ode to safety

Oh thank you Mr/Ms/Rev TSA person, for breaking the zipper on my suitcase. I feel oh so very much safer to know that you, honorable one, a person whose job it is to open and close suitcases, can not re-zip my suitcase without catching a huge clump of plastic bag in the zipper, thus rendering it broken.

And thanks too for rifling through my dirty underwear. Though, you should have left me at least a few dollars paperclipped to your very helpful "we opened your bag (for your own safety)" card. Not really kidding, here, either.